January 22,2011 First day of classes
After all that has happened I had to put on a happy face, my student hat and get on the grind of a college student. It took sometime to get what happened to my cousin in front of my house out my mind, but I did (somewhat). The rhythm of school began to flow and things were all good until...
March 6,2011. My old co-worker and I decided to attend a party in the city but it began to rain, so we decided to attend another party in Oakland. It was my cousin(the one who was shot) sister's party at her house. When we pulled up everyone was outside, when we walked up there was a weird feeling in the atmosphere. You know how they say you can feel people negative energy, it is sooooo true. We walked in the house and me being the social butterfly that I am, I began to open wine bottles and pulled the playing cards out. After about 45minutes I asked my friend did she was to play, she said no I will watch. So a couple of seconds later she started to stare at me, I figured she really did want to play so I asked her again but this time she didn't answer me and just stared at me. I asked her one more time and she did not say a word, so I got out of my seat and got in her face, I called her name and she began to mumble and her body began to jerk!!!. I said " OMG she having a seizure!" I have worked in the medical field so I knew what to do. I turned her on her side and my cousin took over because I began to freak out, I could not believe myself. I stay clam at a gun shooting, but freak out at a seizure, what was really going on.
The police was called and when they arrived she was passed out, it seemed as if she was just sleep. They put oxygen on her face and she began to come to. They asked her several questions and she answered them all wrong, I was scared I thought she had some brain damage from the lack of oxygen. When we got to the hospital the nurse came and got me I followed her to my friend room, when she seen me she said " Layloni!! what happened?" I told her and she started to cry. She had a head injury two years ago but never had a seizure, this was the first. What was all this for? Was there a reason why I needed to witness these two scary events?. Because I am religious I fasted and prayed for seven day and the answer became clear.
For me Layloni Marshall to be successful in changing the mind of our young people and getting them on the right track I need to be ULTRA STRONG! ( if that's a word) I feel that there is so much I can do and will do for our young people and God had to put me through certain things to see if I can handle them. Our kids are dealing with so much stuff that we cant even imagine. But I will be that counselor to help them, and to support them all the way so that they will be able to Maximize their full Potential.
My blog took a slight turn, but I had to get it out!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Fear
As I try to maximize my potential and focus on becoming a High School Counselor it seems the more I focus the more things happen to discourage me.
I feel like if I can get what's in my head on paper, I can somewhat let it go and continue of my journey, here I go.....
January 22,2011 was a Saturday and two days before the Spring semester began at SFSU. The day was a nice day and I had attended a small BBQ with my friends. I decided to go home early and get some rest for church the next day. Around 9pm my cousin called and said she was coming to my house and spend the night with me because she wanted to attend her church in the morning and I lived closer. 12 midnight rolled around and she came in the house, I was sleep but heard her come in. I guess some time had passed but as you know when your sleep you can never tell.
She came in my room and said she left her phone outside in the car and NEEDED to get it, my first mind told me to say " forget that phone" but I didn't. About a couple of minutes later I hear gun shots and a girl screaming. From that point on everything was in slow motion!!!!!! I ran to the front of the house but did not open the door because I didn't want who ever was shooting to run in my house. In seconds she was running in screaming " They shot me, They shot me!. I went into a calm state, it was only me and her in the house so I knew if I began to freak out so would she. I told her to lay down and stay clam while I call the police she instantly said to me " alright, I just want to talk to my god!" I figured that was the best thing she could do.
The police arrived and she began to tell them what happened " I went to my car and as I was coming back towards the house I was just about to open the gate and two young boys jumped in front of it and said B%$#@ give me all yo s**t! I told them I didn't have anything and one said she think we playing i should shoot this B**ch, and he did five times." After she finished instant fear came over me, the city that I have lived in all my life has now betrayed me and put fear on my heart. I was disgusted, all that I have witnessed over the years I would never believe that something like especially at the age that I am now would happen. After arriving to the hospital we were told that she would be fine, the bullets didn't hit anything, no bone, no nothing. I left there and had a breakdown, I guess once I knew that she would be fine I was able to breath and release all the built up tears.
January 24,2011 First Day Of Classes WOW!
I feel like if I can get what's in my head on paper, I can somewhat let it go and continue of my journey, here I go.....
January 22,2011 was a Saturday and two days before the Spring semester began at SFSU. The day was a nice day and I had attended a small BBQ with my friends. I decided to go home early and get some rest for church the next day. Around 9pm my cousin called and said she was coming to my house and spend the night with me because she wanted to attend her church in the morning and I lived closer. 12 midnight rolled around and she came in the house, I was sleep but heard her come in. I guess some time had passed but as you know when your sleep you can never tell.
She came in my room and said she left her phone outside in the car and NEEDED to get it, my first mind told me to say " forget that phone" but I didn't. About a couple of minutes later I hear gun shots and a girl screaming. From that point on everything was in slow motion!!!!!! I ran to the front of the house but did not open the door because I didn't want who ever was shooting to run in my house. In seconds she was running in screaming " They shot me, They shot me!. I went into a calm state, it was only me and her in the house so I knew if I began to freak out so would she. I told her to lay down and stay clam while I call the police she instantly said to me " alright, I just want to talk to my god!" I figured that was the best thing she could do.
The police arrived and she began to tell them what happened " I went to my car and as I was coming back towards the house I was just about to open the gate and two young boys jumped in front of it and said B%$#@ give me all yo s**t! I told them I didn't have anything and one said she think we playing i should shoot this B**ch, and he did five times." After she finished instant fear came over me, the city that I have lived in all my life has now betrayed me and put fear on my heart. I was disgusted, all that I have witnessed over the years I would never believe that something like especially at the age that I am now would happen. After arriving to the hospital we were told that she would be fine, the bullets didn't hit anything, no bone, no nothing. I left there and had a breakdown, I guess once I knew that she would be fine I was able to breath and release all the built up tears.
January 24,2011 First Day Of Classes WOW!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Purpose Cont.....
I mentioned that I had a counselor that used my situation against me in my earlier post " Purpose". Let me give details about what my situation was, and then I'll tell you about how he used that situation against me, and almost kept me out of college as a result......
When I entered high school in September of 1993, I was the only sophomore with a two year old son, a job, and my own apartment. My attitude during these years was not like other teenage girls; I didn't care who was who. I didnt' care who was on the football team. I didn't care who the popular kids were. What I did care about was getting through those high school years so that I could move on. I made it a point that I would attend school everyday. I made it a point to treat school as though it was my second job; taking care of D'Marco was my first. But my determination to succeed in school didn't matter to Mr. Watson, my guidance counselor. His first words to me were " Layloni, are you sure this school fits you?". I didn't understand what he was saying. " I know you have a child, wouldn't one of those teen-pregnant -mother schools fit you better?." His question blew me away, first how did he know I had a child and second what the....!. I simple looked him in his eye and said " this school fits my just fine! thank you!". I left his office with tears running down my face, I wanted to run home and just cry all night long but I didn't I went to class and acted as if nothing never happened.
I held my own in high school and when it was my senior year I was excited and pregnant again. I was apart of several clubs: Dance for Stars, African American club and The Drama club. I knew that colleges like to see things like that on a college application. When it was time it take the ACT'S and SAT'S I ran into a road block, I didn't have the money to pay the fee's to take the tests. I still had a job but rent, bills, clothes, and food was at the top of the list. I went to my counselor and explained the situation, he had nothing to tell me, no kind of solution. I guess from the stress of things I began to have complication with my pregnancy and the doctor felt that I needed to apply for independent study. It would allow me to do school work from home and still receive the credits I needed to graduate.
Graduation day came and I did not attend the ceremony, D'Marco was graduating from pre-school and that was more important. About a week later my Principal called me and wanted to know why I didn't take the SAT'S and I explained that I didn't have the money. She informed me that since I was a single parent that I was eligible for a fee wavier. I thought my head was going to pop off, I was so mad. I didn't hear anything else that she said after that, I was too busy imaging myself walking in his office and giving him a piece of my mind. I could not believe that a person that works with children, who are our future...could be so evil. I felt that he looked at me and figured that since I had a child and was pregnant again that I was not college material, even though my grades showed different. From that experience with him I have learned that I must find the ends and outs to everything; I question everything. While I am on this journey of becoming a high school academic counselor I will keep myself updated with everything I can. Like grants, scholarships, jobs etc so that when my students come to me I will be able to help them properly or steer them to someone who can.
When I entered high school in September of 1993, I was the only sophomore with a two year old son, a job, and my own apartment. My attitude during these years was not like other teenage girls; I didn't care who was who. I didnt' care who was on the football team. I didn't care who the popular kids were. What I did care about was getting through those high school years so that I could move on. I made it a point that I would attend school everyday. I made it a point to treat school as though it was my second job; taking care of D'Marco was my first. But my determination to succeed in school didn't matter to Mr. Watson, my guidance counselor. His first words to me were " Layloni, are you sure this school fits you?". I didn't understand what he was saying. " I know you have a child, wouldn't one of those teen-pregnant -mother schools fit you better?." His question blew me away, first how did he know I had a child and second what the....!. I simple looked him in his eye and said " this school fits my just fine! thank you!". I left his office with tears running down my face, I wanted to run home and just cry all night long but I didn't I went to class and acted as if nothing never happened.
I held my own in high school and when it was my senior year I was excited and pregnant again. I was apart of several clubs: Dance for Stars, African American club and The Drama club. I knew that colleges like to see things like that on a college application. When it was time it take the ACT'S and SAT'S I ran into a road block, I didn't have the money to pay the fee's to take the tests. I still had a job but rent, bills, clothes, and food was at the top of the list. I went to my counselor and explained the situation, he had nothing to tell me, no kind of solution. I guess from the stress of things I began to have complication with my pregnancy and the doctor felt that I needed to apply for independent study. It would allow me to do school work from home and still receive the credits I needed to graduate.
Graduation day came and I did not attend the ceremony, D'Marco was graduating from pre-school and that was more important. About a week later my Principal called me and wanted to know why I didn't take the SAT'S and I explained that I didn't have the money. She informed me that since I was a single parent that I was eligible for a fee wavier. I thought my head was going to pop off, I was so mad. I didn't hear anything else that she said after that, I was too busy imaging myself walking in his office and giving him a piece of my mind. I could not believe that a person that works with children, who are our future...could be so evil. I felt that he looked at me and figured that since I had a child and was pregnant again that I was not college material, even though my grades showed different. From that experience with him I have learned that I must find the ends and outs to everything; I question everything. While I am on this journey of becoming a high school academic counselor I will keep myself updated with everything I can. Like grants, scholarships, jobs etc so that when my students come to me I will be able to help them properly or steer them to someone who can.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Random Blog
This is a random blog, somewhat of the subject of school counseling.
As I was coming up Race was not an issue, not an issue with me anyway. But I do know with both my parents being African American and raised in a time where race did matter race and racism was clear to them. My parents didn't have friends of another races nor did they speak bad about another race, but it was this UN-spoken tension about race. I say all that to say when I was old enough to attend school my friends were of all different races. As long as you could play kick ball and had a good tether-ball arm, we were good to go. I never pushed the ideal of race unto my children, and over the years I have seen them participate in lots of events that had nothing to do with African culture. D'Marco who is my oldest went to Venezuela with one of his football team mates and fell in love or so he say. But he came back more grateful for his living arrangements because he seen first hand how another country has it 20x worst then Americans.
Tanzania my middle child has always had friends of other races. I can remember when she was in Kindergarten and I had a parent/teacher conference, I was told " Tanzania is a great student, but there is only one thing! I can not stop her and Xing from talking." I was thinking to myself who is Xing? When I met Xing she asked if Tanzania could come and celebrate Chinese New Year with her and her family. Before Tanzania attended the event she was determined to say " Gong Xi Fa Cai" and she did. She respected their culture and had a wonderful time. This May she is involved in a quinceañera and they used our house to practice, she is one of two African American involved in the complete celebration. Watching them practice the dance and watching how much she respects them and how much they respects her was a great thing for me to see.
As I said this is a random blog.... I was just thinking how wonderful it was for me to see that I helped them to always have a open mind and to see only one race and that's the human race.
As I was coming up Race was not an issue, not an issue with me anyway. But I do know with both my parents being African American and raised in a time where race did matter race and racism was clear to them. My parents didn't have friends of another races nor did they speak bad about another race, but it was this UN-spoken tension about race. I say all that to say when I was old enough to attend school my friends were of all different races. As long as you could play kick ball and had a good tether-ball arm, we were good to go. I never pushed the ideal of race unto my children, and over the years I have seen them participate in lots of events that had nothing to do with African culture. D'Marco who is my oldest went to Venezuela with one of his football team mates and fell in love or so he say. But he came back more grateful for his living arrangements because he seen first hand how another country has it 20x worst then Americans.
Tanzania my middle child has always had friends of other races. I can remember when she was in Kindergarten and I had a parent/teacher conference, I was told " Tanzania is a great student, but there is only one thing! I can not stop her and Xing from talking." I was thinking to myself who is Xing? When I met Xing she asked if Tanzania could come and celebrate Chinese New Year with her and her family. Before Tanzania attended the event she was determined to say " Gong Xi Fa Cai" and she did. She respected their culture and had a wonderful time. This May she is involved in a quinceañera and they used our house to practice, she is one of two African American involved in the complete celebration. Watching them practice the dance and watching how much she respects them and how much they respects her was a great thing for me to see.
As I said this is a random blog.... I was just thinking how wonderful it was for me to see that I helped them to always have a open mind and to see only one race and that's the human race.
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